Us: A User's Guide

Top Highlights

“The consumer marriage says, ‘I will be who I ought to be as long as, and to the degree, that you are who you ought to be.’ The kingdom marriage says, ‘I will be who I ought to be whether you are or not.’” (source)

“The three words that save a marriage are not ‘I love you,’ Fass reveals in his book As Long As We Both Shall Live (2008). They are ‘Maybe you’re right.’” (source)

“There is another word and metaphor from food culture that better suggests to me what it means to ‘dwell in Beulah Land.’ That word is marinate. When you marinate ingredients, something very different happens than when you marry ingredients. The process of marinating is to bring two distinct ingredients together, not so that they can lose themselves in each other, but so that each one becomes more distinctive, more unique, while at the same time the two together create a magical third, a tertium quid.” (source)

“We don’t need to change, fix, or better the bad stuff about us; we need the kind of change we call transformation—changing how we view ourselves, our spouse, and our marriage. In other words, the way you view your spouse or a particular situation you are in—whether you are fighting again about the same thing you fought about yesterday, or your kids are rebelling in the worst way, or there has been betrayal—is what determines the quality of your life together.” (source)

“Marriage is one of God’s tools for building His kingdom, and if we are to pioneer the possibility of a kingdom life together, we must prepare to make life-defining sacrifices. We must prepare to change the way we view life or change our purpose for living together.” (source)